The Begining...Not Really But We'll Pretend

While it is most likely that if you are reading this you are linked to my life in some fashion and know the history of my weight woes, just to feed my ego with the thought that somewhere a stranger may care about my body issues I will start with a little (or lot) of my history.



I am a twenty-six year old overweight woman who is still in college, working a regular office job, and living with her mother. To an outside source I suppose any or all of these things could sound pathetic, but I will say that with the exception of my body I am pretty happy with my life. I have awesome friends and a loving family, know what I want out of my career (even though it's taking me a bit to get there), have a few prospects of seemingly nice guys that show interest in getting to know me, and I'll venture to say that I usually have an infectiously happy disposition. So....what's the problem???



For as long as I can remember I have always struggled with my weight. I was the chubby girl on the school bus who was teased and the girl in high school that had "such a pretty face." When I became old enough to comprehend that I could make my body do something different it became a roller coaster of obsession. Diet. Binge. Diet. Binge. Diet. I'd be happy with my weight for a while and get complacent that my ailment had somehow magically been cured and then end up laying on my bed to zip up my pants or crumpled into a ball in tears because I was so unhappy with my body. The problem that I have not been able to wrap my mind around these past twenty something years is this: I cannot eat like my girlfriends.


It's difficult for a twenty one year old girl to understand why her closest friends can ravage a four serving platter of cheese fries chased by endless cocktails and still remain a size four whilst a glimpse at a slice of cheddar causes the fat cells in her own body to multiply tenfold. Thankfully, in the past couple of years I've taught myself this lesson so many times that it has started to sink in. I will not say that I never eat things that I shouldn't eat (because that would be a BLATANT lie), but I tend to make a health conscious choice more often than not and have taken more stock in the value and limitations of my body. It feels good to me to eat foods that nourish my body or to go to a yoga class that pushes my limits. Consequently, I have been able to shed about eighty-five pounds slowly but surely over the past year or so. I'm not finished.


Now you must already know that as a woman I am adamantly against the utterance of the three digits that comprise my weight, but I'm sure that when I say that I have at least sixty more pounds to go after my loss of eighty five pounds you can guess just how much my weight had spiraled out of control. I use to feel ashamed and wouldn't even discuss it with my friends and family because it was too painful to let someone know how I felt about myself. Not anymore. While I am sure my life would be much easier and different if I was a naturally fit svelt woman, it's somehow empowering to think about the weight that I've lost. Don't get me wrong. I've been particularly frustrated lately because I've hit a plateau and let it become a reason to eat chocolate and Cheese Nips (all of which resulted in seven pounds bouncing back onto my thighs). In the same instant though I remember that it's seven pounds. I've lost ten times that so I know if I put my mind to it I can get rid of that extra jiggle that has accumulated and keep on going at that!


I have learned so much about myself from prayer and the support of amazing women around me that have helped me to come to some conclusions about my life. The most important of them is that God loves me no matter what my shape or size or poundage may be, but that He made me in His image and longs for me to live a happy and abundant life in the healthy and strong body that He meant for me to have. The second most important lesson that I have learned is that only I can value myself enough to make this vision come to fruition. I do! I do! I do and am determined to follow through with this decision. So now you know the beginning and I hope you can be a part of the middle, the end, and the journey along the way as I lightheartedly put it...make like Jessica Rabbit :)